


Trans-Atlantic Transcript

by Amand_r



Category: Highlander: The Series
Genre: Gen, chat transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-18
Updated: 2011-03-18
Packaged: 2017-10-17 01:56:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/171738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amand_r/pseuds/Amand_r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><strong>CullodenSucked:</strong> Where did you come from?<br/><strong>JustAGuy101:</strong> :roll:  I have you on my Buddy list, Mac.<br/><strong>CullodenSucked:</strong> Oh.  Well then.  What's a Buddy List?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trans-Atlantic Transcript

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Highlander Lyric Wheel ages ago.

**JustAGuy101:** Hi.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Where did you come from?  
 **JustAGuy101:** :roll: I have you on my Buddy list, Mac.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Oh. Well then. What's a Buddy List?  
 **JustAGuy101:** It's the list up in the corner that tells you which of your friends is on. Look to your right.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Oh, never mind. I got it.  
 **CullodenSucked:** What are you up to? And why are you up this late?  
 **JustAGuy101:** What are you, my mother?  
 **CullodenSucked:** :P  
 **JustAGuy101:** I see, we can make emoticons but not figure out what a buddy list is.  
 **CullodenSucked:** :P :P :P :P  
 **JustAGuy101:** Yes, we've found the shift+3 key. Good job.  
 **JustAGuy101:** Nice screen name, by the way.  
 **CullodenSucked:** That's fun. The screen name was a moment of inspiration (re:drunkenness). Amanda made it for me. I'd change it if I could.  
 **JustAGuy101:** *nod*  
 **CullodenSucked:** What the hell does that mean?  
 **JustAGuy101:** It's short for "I understand."  
 **JustAGuy101:** brb. beer.  
 **CullodenSucked:** brb?  
 **__________________________________________________________**  
Auto response from **JustAGuy101** : I am away  
from my computer right now. It has to do with beer.  
 **___________________________________________________________**  


 **CullodenSucked:** I see. Or rather, *nod*  
 **CullodenSucked:** So, Joe told me that you guys had an adventure involving other Immortals, Sasquatch and a can of beans.  
 **__________________________________________________________**  
Auto response from **JustAGuy101** :I am away  
from my computer right now. It has to do with beer.  
 **___________________________________________________________**

 **CullodenSucked:** Does this happen almost every time I type something while you're "away"?  
 **CullodenSucked:** Because it's annoying.  
 **__________________________________________________________**  
Auto response from **JustAGuy101** : I am away  
from my computer right now. It has to do with beer.  
 **___________________________________________________________**

 **JustAGuy101:** back  
 **JustAGuy101:** Joe told you about that? That bastard.  
 **CullodenSucked:** :lol: I gathered that it was rather amusing. I also hear that you landed in a pile of horse manure.  
 **JustAGuy101:** I'll kill him.  
 **JustAGuy101:** What HAPPENED, I'll have you know, is that YOUR friend, the WATCHER, failed to inform me that the reason he was going to Prague in the first place was that he was subbing for another Watcher who had gotten Whooping Cough.  
 **CullodenSucked:** WHAT? I thought Joe was my Watcher.  
 **JustAGuy101:** I mean, who gets Whooping Cough anymore?  
 **CullodenSucked:** Methos.  
 **JustAGuy101:** So then we GET there, and he's watching MALCOLM BYRN, the rather famous fucktard, I think you're familiar with his work.  
 **CullodenSucked:** The artist? I thought he was in jail.  
 **JustAGuy101:** No, he fled the country before the Carboneri searched the studio and found all the bodies. In any case, he was hiding from the cops in Poland.  
 **JustAGuy101:** Of course, by "hiding", I mean, "walking about freely and attending upscale parties."  
 **CullodenSucked:** I see. How many bodies had they found? I read something in the realm of a dozen or so.  
 **JustAGuy101:** Yes, and three of them were Immortal bodies. In light of realizing that he was in the city, you can imagine that I had wanted out of there ASAP.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Wuss.  
 **JustAGuy101:** Joyously so, if it preserves my head.  
 **CullodenSucked:** What did Joe do? And if Joe's not my Watcher anymore, then who is?  
 **JustAGuy101:** You should know that I hate conflict. Besides, Byrn is a functionally insane person. Barely. "Eccentric" covers a lot these days.  
 **CullodenSucked:** True.  
 **JustAGuy101:** Oh, Joe stayed, because he had to. But he agreed that perhaps I should go, and so I tried to get a train ticket out of there.  
 **JustAGuy101:** Your new Watcher is a temp. Fresh out of the Academy. They assign them to you because you're too hard to lose. Didn't Joe ever tell you that?  
 **CullodenSucked:** :shock:  
 **JustAGuy101:** I gather not. Look out your window. He's probably still there on the bridge. They're so stupid when they're new.  
 **CullodenSucked:** The guy in the windbreaker who's fishing off the bridge using a string tied to a stick?  
 **JustAGuy101:** Heh. Probably.  
 **JustAGuy101:** Oops, G2G.  
 **CullodenSucked:** So, back to Prague; how does Sasquatch fit into all of this?  
User **JustAGuy101** is not available.

 

 **CullodenSucked:** Methos says that you're not my Watcher anymore.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Way to open the conversation, Mac. No, I'm not, per se.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Were you planning on telling me?  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Nope. No point. I figured that it would be better that you didn't know. Plus, the kids kinda get off on you not being able to spot them.  
 **CullodenSucked:** How long has this been going on?  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** For the past two years...  
 **CullodenSucked:** WHAT?  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Oh well. I should have told you. They'll be disappointed if you spot them. It's like a game.  
 **CullodenSucked:** :neutral:  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Sorry, Mac.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** It was just getting to be too much, you know? With the arthritis and the new prosthetic...  
 **CullodenSucked:** *nod*  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** You've been talking to Methos, haven't you? He has to come over to the bar this afternoon and put up the Christmas lights.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Really? Is this part of the whole Prague thing?  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Muchly. Did he tell you about the beans? He clocked me across a grocery store with a can of beans. Bastard.  
 **CullodenSucked:** :? What am I missing? All I heard about was that Byrn was in town and that Methos went to get a train ticket.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Oh ho ho, then you don't know about Sasquatch? I mean, that was the highlight of the trip. Well, either that, or when Methos took the quickening in the manure, I'm not really sure.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Quickening? How do I miss all this stuff? Do I have to come back to Seacouver?  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** It was truly the shittiest Quickening I have ever seen.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Ahaaahahaaahaha, I kill me.  
 **CullodenSucked:** No doubt, though not as much as Methos might when he finds out you're telling people about his "experience."  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Methos can suck it up, Mac. Beans, remember?  
 **CullodenSucked:** *nod* So, Sasquatch? Is this 'Sasquatch', as in 'Bigfoot'?  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** No, though that might be funnier. Sasquatch was the horse whose manure Methos fell in. A prize winning thoroughbred belonging to that asshole, Vicomte duFrien. You ever heard of him?  
 **CullodenSucked:** I believe so. He has those huge stables outside Prague. For the Lipizzans.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Precisely. Well, Methos tried to get a train ticket out of town, but the rails wouldn't let him take his sword on board with him. Something about security. And you know what the airlines have to say about pointy objects.  
 **CullodenSucked:** He didn't try to take a horse, did he? I assume he momentarily forgot about the invention of the automobile.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** That may very well be, but he DID get a rental, which had a very bad distributor cap.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Of course, I knew about this second hand, because I was in my own car following Byrn.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Of course.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** The car broke down outside of Prague, on the highway. Methos called me on my cell and begged me to pick him up.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Was this pre or post the bean-throwing incident?  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** So I go get him, but only because I'm in the area anyway. Turns out that Byrn was tracking Methos, and well, they met at the stable.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Post.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Oh no. Was anyone there?  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Some well-meaning guards that I had to stun with a taser. The fight was really funny.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** In that, 'I hope Methos wins oh god he might die' way.  
 **CullodenSucked:** I know the feeling.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** So, Methos has Sasquatch out of his pen, because he's going to race across the hills on him, when Byrn manages to finally find him in the stables. Methos uses the horse as cover, and shoots Byrn in the chest.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Body armor. I call it.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Get this, the guy's wearing body armor.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Stop that. Do you want to hear this or not?  
 **CullodenSucked:** :oops: Yes.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Okay then.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** brb. Methos is here.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Okay.  
 **CullodenSucked:** I'm still kind of sorry I'm trapped here in Paris. And this kid out on the bridge has to be the lamest Watcher I've ever had.  
 **__________________________________________________________**  
Auto response from **DeltaBluesMan** : Sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

Sex, drugs, and rock and roll, America.  
 **___________________________________________________________**

 **CullodenSucked:** Oh, right.

 

 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** mac. i have a favor.  
 **CullodenSucked:** What How are you on here? I thought you were in Verona.  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** yeah i am. im on a pubic acces terminal  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** public lol. oops  
 **CullodenSucked:** What do you want?  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** the bike is broken and i need $1600 4 repairs.  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** wait...not dollars. euros.  
 **CullodenSucked:** What the hell did you do? And what happened to your money?  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** its a long story. involves a bottle of patu. and this crazy ass chick named selena.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Richie!  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** look i wouldn't ask unles i was desperite, mac.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Is there a wiring centre there?  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** yeah.  
 **CullodenSucked:** I'll go and wire it, but that's all. And I expect a full explanation.  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** i was on my way 2 paris when the bike  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** broke. :-(  
 **CullodenSucked:** Okay then. BTW, did you know Joe's no longer my Watcher?  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** yeah. didn't you?  
 **CullodenSucked:** ...  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** i have to go. this is like fifty bazillion bucks a minute.  
 **CullodenSucked:** How are you paying for this?  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** amanda gave me a credit card a few weeks ago.  
 **CullodenSucked:** WHAT?  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** g2g. ciao!

 

 **DeltaBluesMan:** back. Methos refuses to work without beer.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Don't believe him. It's a ploy.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** I poured him a Schlitz and told him it was Carlsburg.  
 **CullodenSucked:** :lol:  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** BTW, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the Watcher thing.  
 **CullodenSucked:** It's okay.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Really.  
 **CullodenSucked:** I mean, I know that your legs hurt, and I'm not exactly hard to follow.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Plus, I think you deserve a retirement. Stay in one place.  
 **CullodenSucked:** With the bar.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Okay, I wish you had told me. That would have been nice. Honorable, even.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Are you ignoring me?  
 **__________________________________________________________**  
Auto response from **DeltaBluesMan** : Sex, drugs, and rock and roll,

Sex, drugs, and rock and roll, America.  
 **___________________________________________________________**

 **CullodenSucked:** Okay then.

 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** mac. i forgot something.  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** how do you say 'i can't be the father im sterile' in french?  
 **CullodenSucked:** Are you still here? What are you talking about?  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** just tell me.  
 **CullodenSucked:** C'est impossible que je suis le pere. Je suis stérile et fou.  
 **GoSpeedRacerGo:** thanks. ciao!

 

 **DeltaBluesMan:** Methos is being a moron. Something about not using the staple gun to put up the lights.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Christmas lights? You're letting him do that?  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** If by "letting" you mean "forcing under threat of bludgeoning," then yes.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Beans, Mac. Beans to the head.  
 **CullodenSucked:** I have decided that this part of the story should wait until I get there.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Oh? You coming here for the holidays?  
 **CullodenSucked:** I was going to fly in with Rich, but he might be delayed.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** That would be good. Like old times.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Hopefully with less beheading and more egg nog.  
 **CullodenSucked:** I second that.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** I'll get you a new Watcher for Christmas. Will that make you feel better?  
 **CullodenSucked:** I want my old watcher back. :-(  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Oh, cry me a river. All things have to end, Mac.  
 **CullodenSucked:** Sorry. For some reason I haven't been reacting to change well lately.  
 **CullodenSucked:** So what do you want?  
 **CullodenSucked:** For Christmas?  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll.  
 **CullodenSucked:** I see.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** die die die die fornicate 666 die die die die die 666 666 666  
 **CullodenSucked:** Joe?  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** I am a bloody tosser who loves to dress up in fishnets and women's thongs. I like to serve piss for beer and give myself enemas. In fact, I should have one right now. In FACT, I think I'll have five enemas, because I really love that squeaky clean feeldsf;lkxn/.mm';lm >,n  
 **CullodenSucked:** Joe?  
 **CullodenSucked:** Are you okay?  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Look, I'm going to have to go. SOME people here are being assholes.  
 **CullodenSucked:** :lol: I get it now.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** When are you getting in? Should we get you from the airport?  
 **CullodenSucked:** I think I'll wait around for Richie a little longer. If we're on schedule, we'll be there on the 20th at 10:15 in the morning, your time.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Ouch. Red eye.  
 **CullodenSucked:** True, but sleep-worthy. So, shall I bring Methos anything for Christmas?  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** You know him: 'When I was a boy, there was no Christmas! There was the solstice, and we didn't even celebrate that!'  
 **CullodenSucked:** Ha. 'We skinned goats and wore the furs raw!'  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** 'And we didn't eat food! If you were hungry you licked tree bark!'  
 **CullodenSucked:** 'And it took forever!'  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** 'But that's the way it was and we liked it!'  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Good times. Good times.  
 **DeltaBluesMan:** Still have to go. You have a good one.  
 **CullodenSucked:** You too. See you soon, Joe.

 

FINIS


End file.
